a new guy has come..

Well the title was ryt,,i do have a boyfriend and to tell you honestly this is a guy that i dont know anything much about. It happenned really fast. By the way its been a while since i wrote here,, but here is my story. Our workmates and i decided to eat in this dampa thing in marikina.. that was last september 15. We really had a great time, we ate lots of delicious foods,, but i wont be telling you much story about that eating thing,, so when i was checking my mobile phone for messages, there it was a message from my friend telling me to go to their party at dela pena.,, i did not hesitate cause its been a while since i have alcohol so i went. I hailed a taxi and went there. A couple of minutes i was on my way to videoke stand and singing. Well this friend of mine is really special. I was really close to her whole family, i even spend christmas and some summer vacations together with them. (by the way back to the story) After loud singing which i mostly used man's voice and then after drinking this "Shakers" which happened to be my all time favorite drink,(its alcohol BTW) i heard someone sing, a very deep and masculine voice,,i teased him a bit, by telling " mhal na kita,, and nababading ako sau,, which at those times i was really masculine, with all those beard and masculine voice. He was shocked and when he sang hangang kailan by orange and lemons and alipin by shamrock, i sing with him,, using my female voice,, which shocked him a bit more,, maybe he was thinking, "my god this guy is really gay,," or whatever for that matter. So moving on with the story, my friend who happen to invite me in the party asked me to smoke with her in the most sulok place we could ever find,, and luckily, this guy saw us,, and make his frequent rounds to check up on me.. (as i was told later the evening) hehehe,, and then when i noticed that he was eyeing me.. i made my friend go away thinking he will come closer,, and just to my luck he just did.. and after an hour and half of getting to know each other,, his friend came and invited us to join them again for a couple rounds of beer, and then.. we were sitting next to each other,,and then its way past 1 o' clock,, i decided to go home, and to my shock, he offered to accompany me,, i was shocked but to drunk to argue, and then as we were walking,, he stopped and said the most sweet words that i ever heard in my entire day, (or i think i just made an understatement) let it my entire 21 years of life,, here it goes,, "____(thats my name on it) this may sound absurd, but i think i like you,,," and me,, i was so shocked,, standing next to me is a cute with the nicest voice in the planet guy, telling me that he likes me,, my god,, that was something,, and i answered back with coolness " wat made you like me?" he said,., ur eyes is nice,, which i answered back that it was fake, and im so makulit daw, and i am a good conversationalist and many other things that make my heart melt..and feeling that i would have a good and decent sex after it, i said,,oh,, "i like you too,." and then he asked me "what now?" i said, "u want to go to my place?" and then, the most exciting happen,, of cors we did that adrenaline, estrogen (if there is) and testosterone pumping actions,

and after which we talked more,, and i told him that i love someone else. u know the guy that i always ryt here. The reason for my being, my oxygen, and my everything. He said to me "u know wat kyl u dont deserve someone that cant give back all the love that you have shown,, why dont u try me?" my god, another ass moving sentence, and i answered back,, "ok lets." and then after another round of steamy sex, he went home. I thought it was just like that. one night stand, which happened to be my not-so-me thing. I hadnt slept that time cause i was thinking about what he just said, the words try him and he likes me. it was 5 am already and i had a work to attend to at 9 am, so i got no chance to went to sleep so at around 8:30 am, i got an unexpected text message it was him. he said that he was not drank and he meant wat he said,, and asked me if i can fetch me at work,, and then the rest was history,, But u know what,, i dont feel anything about him,, its all lust,, but i felt bad, that i think he really liked me,, but i cant give anything on him in return,, hay,, my bad my bad.

love is..

In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned, love only survives when hope exists that you will win over the person you desire.

A friend of me shared this quotation from her favorite book, and i instantly got caught with it. Why? cause its directly related to my situation.

There is this guy im head over heels with. He is sweet, very caring, and so irresistibly kind. A very nice guy image. He first caught my attention way back when we started our production. But my attention has got hooked to another person, so i forgot all about him. But destiny really is playful. i even get mad at him, at hated him so much and yet we started to become partners, and grew closer together. As time passes by, we begin to get closer and closer until i suddenly felt this feeling inside of me that i cant contain anymore. We have a lot of nice memories together. I mean really a lot. But honestly i know we can only be just friends and u may or may not believe it but i also wanted us to stay as friends. Cause for me, friendship is really much more important to me. That is why i dont bother to tell my deepest emotions for him cause i really feared that our friendship may put into jeopardy. But this past few weeks i have this feeling that he was ignoring me, he suddenly became aloof, i even asked him if i had done anything wrong, i even tell im sorry if ever i had done anything against him, but he just answered nothing he said i didn't do anything against him. But u know what? his actions tells otherwise. I am wondering if ever he already knows what i felt for him, or maybe im just paranoid. Why do i say this, cause we used to tell each other everything, maybe not everything, but he always shared his thoughts, or anything, but suddenly he stopped that. Im so bothered, we sitted next to each other and yet we seldom talked to each other. Some of my friends tells me, maybe i was the one who is changed, why not i start a conversation, maybe my feelings are containing me, maybe i needed to suppressed it, maybe what i needed is control, But what am i trying to say here is, even if he already knows, cant he just jeopardize our friendship because of that. Loving is not ur fault. It just sprouts in you, without even noticing it and without intentioning it. Y is loving seems so complicated. Is it a crime? i thought it was the greatest thing and what matter most in this world? Im not asking in return, what i want is his friendship, nothing more, nothing less. It is unfair to me to jeopardize our friendship because of that.. Why is loving is always so damn hard difficult. It is a feeling of perpetual bliss, falling in a deep and dark abyss.