Another beautiful day..

Well, things are getting out of hand. I’m at the point where I can’t contain my happiness. This guy that I’m madly in love with is really the man of my dreams. Mr. Perfect. Everything he says is perfect. Everything he does is magic and every moment when I’m with him feels like heaven. He is the reason for my being. My oxygen, why am I kept on blabbing about this, well we had a great weekend. The greatest I might add. Last Sunday he waited for me and then we watched Grey's Anatomy. Which happen to be my super favorite TV series of all time.  Then on our way home, he said he was hungry and we decided to eat. We ate at Causeway; it’s a Chinese restaurant which happens to serve the most delicious dimsums. We ate about 8 different kinds of dimsums. Most of the time, we just had a good laugh, and sharing stories. He said that he misses hanging out with me just like old times. We used to hang out at Chowking until the crack of dawn. We tell each other funny stories, telling each other about our past and many other things. And my most unforgettable moment with him is that when he said 7 things that really made my heart melt, 7. He said that even if I didn’t change (before I was so loud and somewhat can be classified as a cross-dresser but then I changed) we will still be good friends, 6. He said that I’m his closest gay friend. 5 He said that I am likable. 4. He said he was happy when I’m with him. 3. I make him laugh, and we can talk about anything 2. He said I was way better that someone else he knows and lastly. I was the one that changed his perspective to gays.  Isn’t that the sweetest? We ate frequently at Binalot, had coffee, so we pretty much hang out a lot. We really are good friends at first. To tell you honestly we came a long way. I met him at work and I had the hugest crush on him. I even sit at the back because it is where he sat, just to have a moment with him, to talk to him, and then our group got mixed up.  I remember that there was this time when the rain poured really hard, and then he was left in the place where we ate and I asked for umbrella at the guard and I fetch him, and u know as they say the rest is history . He was like embracing me, his hands where wrapped on my shoulder cause the umbrella was not that big, and that made my face turn red. But then I got close with someone else from our team, so all my feelings for him went away. I even got to a point that I started hating him. But destiny really is unpredictable and can be playful. We became partners for a long time, and that’s the time when my feelings for him sprouted again. So there, we even got a chance to be sent to one of our off site offices. Well I’ll tell u guys more about that some other time.

Till next post..

XOXO
Kyl♥

Beautiful days..

Well here I am again, after all the ignoring and building a wall to the one that I love, I finally got over it. I told to myself with the help of my friends (the two lovebirds who happen to be in a problematic situation too) that I should be back in the game. I should try to win him back again. So I decided to be back to my normal self. The old joyous, fun-loving, outrageous and the always teasing me and it really helped. I started to throw a punch line here and there, and we were back to the way things are as if nothing happened. I can say that I am really back in the game.  Back in his life, I hope we continue this way. By the way, today is his birthday. So I will go to his place and celebrate it with him. He talked to my surrogate father (a friend’s father who treated me as one of his own,) and he told him what he truly feels for me. Nice move right? Well, I got to admit he is truly genuine, but I don’t feel the same..  Now, I couldn’t help but wonder, When you finally get something you really wanted was that enough? When can we be satisfied?..

Till next post..
XOXO
Kyl♥
 

A beautiful day to save lives...

I am working as medical transcription supervisor but i finished BS nursing. I am currently in my job for about a year now, but i have extracurricular activities such as working as a private duty nurse for Mr. Ramos. I have known this man via my aunt. This man and so his family was taken care by my aunt when she was here in the country. Now, she is in the US so she endorsed me to take care of Mr. Ramos a stroke patient. I really enjoyed taking care of this man. He is so sweet, vulnerable and innocent. I frequently told him about my life, my love life and everything about me which he happen to enjoy listening. He lives in Alta Vista an exclusive subdivision in Katipunan and his house is as big as a hacienda with 3 different houses. He has one son and a daughter and mind you, his son looks like a god, an angel in disguise a very handsome man. In normal days, i only helped him in his daily activities and grooming because his half body was paralized. Bed bath, bed shampoo, diaper changing, and so on..Just recently almost same time as the big storm struck us, he had a seizure attack. He was rushed to St. Lukes and his diagnosis was he has a tumor in the parietal lobe. So it needed to be excised. i was called for he asked me to. I rushed in to the hospital luckily for me i dont have a work so i got a chance to go there. To my luck,, my patient insisted that i should be in the operating room with him or he will not undergo the operation. Luckily i am graduate of trinity college st. lukes college of nursing so they let me in. I felt so excited by the fact that i have a chance to assist in an advanced operation which is lobectomy of the brain. As i entered i was filled with euphoria. All the duty days of being a nurse suddenly strucked me. I felt the excitement, a sudden gush of adrenaline pumping into my blood. As the operation went by i began to think, " what have i been doing all this time working in a boring office setting editing files, when i can be at the hospital saving lives. Saving lives is really great feeling. I felt elated. Its noble. Its hardcore. So i say to my self i will pursue my nursing career. Some other doctors even take nursing due to economical reasons. So why not practice?...

a new guy has come..

Well the title was ryt,,i do have a boyfriend and to tell you honestly this is a guy that i dont know anything much about. It happenned really fast. By the way its been a while since i wrote here,, but here is my story. Our workmates and i decided to eat in this dampa thing in marikina.. that was last september 15. We really had a great time, we ate lots of delicious foods,, but i wont be telling you much story about that eating thing,, so when i was checking my mobile phone for messages, there it was a message from my friend telling me to go to their party at dela pena.,, i did not hesitate cause its been a while since i have alcohol so i went. I hailed a taxi and went there. A couple of minutes i was on my way to videoke stand and singing. Well this friend of mine is really special. I was really close to her whole family, i even spend christmas and some summer vacations together with them. (by the way back to the story) After loud singing which i mostly used man's voice and then after drinking this "Shakers" which happened to be my all time favorite drink,(its alcohol BTW) i heard someone sing, a very deep and masculine voice,,i teased him a bit, by telling " mhal na kita,, and nababading ako sau,, which at those times i was really masculine, with all those beard and masculine voice. He was shocked and when he sang hangang kailan by orange and lemons and alipin by shamrock, i sing with him,, using my female voice,, which shocked him a bit more,, maybe he was thinking, "my god this guy is really gay,," or whatever for that matter. So moving on with the story, my friend who happen to invite me in the party asked me to smoke with her in the most sulok place we could ever find,, and luckily, this guy saw us,, and make his frequent rounds to check up on me.. (as i was told later the evening) hehehe,, and then when i noticed that he was eyeing me.. i made my friend go away thinking he will come closer,, and just to my luck he just did.. and after an hour and half of getting to know each other,, his friend came and invited us to join them again for a couple rounds of beer, and then.. we were sitting next to each other,,and then its way past 1 o' clock,, i decided to go home, and to my shock, he offered to accompany me,, i was shocked but to drunk to argue, and then as we were walking,, he stopped and said the most sweet words that i ever heard in my entire day, (or i think i just made an understatement) let it my entire 21 years of life,, here it goes,, "____(thats my name on it) this may sound absurd, but i think i like you,,," and me,, i was so shocked,, standing next to me is a cute with the nicest voice in the planet guy, telling me that he likes me,, my god,, that was something,, and i answered back with coolness " wat made you like me?" he said,., ur eyes is nice,, which i answered back that it was fake, and im so makulit daw, and i am a good conversationalist and many other things that make my heart melt..and feeling that i would have a good and decent sex after it, i said,,oh,, "i like you too,." and then he asked me "what now?" i said, "u want to go to my place?" and then, the most exciting happen,, of cors we did that adrenaline, estrogen (if there is) and testosterone pumping actions,

and after which we talked more,, and i told him that i love someone else. u know the guy that i always ryt here. The reason for my being, my oxygen, and my everything. He said to me "u know wat kyl u dont deserve someone that cant give back all the love that you have shown,, why dont u try me?" my god, another ass moving sentence, and i answered back,, "ok lets." and then after another round of steamy sex, he went home. I thought it was just like that. one night stand, which happened to be my not-so-me thing. I hadnt slept that time cause i was thinking about what he just said, the words try him and he likes me. it was 5 am already and i had a work to attend to at 9 am, so i got no chance to went to sleep so at around 8:30 am, i got an unexpected text message it was him. he said that he was not drank and he meant wat he said,, and asked me if i can fetch me at work,, and then the rest was history,, But u know what,, i dont feel anything about him,, its all lust,, but i felt bad, that i think he really liked me,, but i cant give anything on him in return,, hay,, my bad my bad.

love is..

In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned, love only survives when hope exists that you will win over the person you desire.

A friend of me shared this quotation from her favorite book, and i instantly got caught with it. Why? cause its directly related to my situation.

There is this guy im head over heels with. He is sweet, very caring, and so irresistibly kind. A very nice guy image. He first caught my attention way back when we started our production. But my attention has got hooked to another person, so i forgot all about him. But destiny really is playful. i even get mad at him, at hated him so much and yet we started to become partners, and grew closer together. As time passes by, we begin to get closer and closer until i suddenly felt this feeling inside of me that i cant contain anymore. We have a lot of nice memories together. I mean really a lot. But honestly i know we can only be just friends and u may or may not believe it but i also wanted us to stay as friends. Cause for me, friendship is really much more important to me. That is why i dont bother to tell my deepest emotions for him cause i really feared that our friendship may put into jeopardy. But this past few weeks i have this feeling that he was ignoring me, he suddenly became aloof, i even asked him if i had done anything wrong, i even tell im sorry if ever i had done anything against him, but he just answered nothing he said i didn't do anything against him. But u know what? his actions tells otherwise. I am wondering if ever he already knows what i felt for him, or maybe im just paranoid. Why do i say this, cause we used to tell each other everything, maybe not everything, but he always shared his thoughts, or anything, but suddenly he stopped that. Im so bothered, we sitted next to each other and yet we seldom talked to each other. Some of my friends tells me, maybe i was the one who is changed, why not i start a conversation, maybe my feelings are containing me, maybe i needed to suppressed it, maybe what i needed is control, But what am i trying to say here is, even if he already knows, cant he just jeopardize our friendship because of that. Loving is not ur fault. It just sprouts in you, without even noticing it and without intentioning it. Y is loving seems so complicated. Is it a crime? i thought it was the greatest thing and what matter most in this world? Im not asking in return, what i want is his friendship, nothing more, nothing less. It is unfair to me to jeopardize our friendship because of that.. Why is loving is always so damn hard difficult. It is a feeling of perpetual bliss, falling in a deep and dark abyss.

Superman

Wow,,I have watched the most talked about movie of the month, if not, this year. Im with some friend who was so dear to me. At first it was postponed and
i though i will not have time to catch it but i guess i just did. We watched the movie in my favorite mall, somewhere in Cainta, We arrived there at about 6:30 pm or 7 i think, not so sure about the time though. My friend bought the ticket and i was the one who bought our food. The movie was really great. The effects were awesome. There was some of the moviegoers who even clapped their hands just to appreciate the movie. While munching on cheezy volcano pizza by pizza hut i had realized that the story has its christianity-touch. Why do i say so? it is because some of the lines that were made by the scriptwriters were similar to the ones that christianity have been expressing for all of us all this time. Like when the father of superman spoke, "You are my only son and to the mankind i sent you" something like that, which was very similar when jesus christ himself was given to us.. and the other line superman made when he showed the whole city to lois, "You said you dont need a savior, the mankind dont need one, but everyday i heard them crying for one.." So i really suppose that the modern superman has this touch of christianity. I think this is nice film to answer the movies that have been showing in cinemas targeting the christianity, like davinci code and the omen. This is a better way to answer those movies. And i think the writers have made it obvious to instill some christianity touch in the film. We even repeated the film twice though. In totality the movie was great the experience was great. I had a great time, I just hope that some people have realized and noticed the things that i have.

If loving you is wrong

i really never thought i would like you

as time passes by i started longing for you,,

sometimes i really bagan to miss you

and later on i realized im starting to fall for you,,

loving you is what i learned so easily

but why is it difficult to forget you completely,,

i never thought that this would happen

that my feelings for you will be tightened..

youre so nice, sweet, and kind

that is why you are always on my mind..

youre sweet smile brings glow to my eyes and inspires my day

so i hope i will see that everyday..

i would not love you because i need you,,

instead i need you because i love you,,

then if loving you is wrong..

i dont want to be corrected at all..

Hopelessly Addicted

Opened my eyes today
And I knew there's something different
Saw you in a brand new way
Like the clouds had somehow lifted
And if yesterday I heard
Myself saying these words
I would swear it was a lie

I don't know why but suddenly I'm falling
Was I so blind
I was loving you all the time
Now I'm hopelessly addicted
Helplessly attracted

I'll make a wish this day
And I'll send it to the heavens
That we will always stay
Entwined like this forever
And though the world may change
Coz nothing stays the same
I know we will survive

I don't know why but suddenly I'm falling
Was I so blind
I was loving you all the time
Now I'm hopelessly addicted
Naturally we acted
Chemically reacted

Speechless love

telling you how much i care..

would only cause so much despair,,

for i know and i fear,,

that you would treat me as your peer..

I have given you my care,,

but you did not even dare

i have left my works behind

to bear you in my mind

i know that were just friend before..

but my feelings for you grew even more,,

and i wonder what can i do..

if i were a friend to you,,

maybe you wonder why im kind..

but that for you to find..

just open up your heart ,,

and dont let your feelings apart,,

now you love somebody new..

and you were happy and now im blue..

but even if it makes me sad..

for your happiness friend ill be glad,,

Love gives, love takes

Just when I thought I was safe,
You found me in my hiding place,
I'd promised never again
I wouldn't give my heart, but then
Closer, closer I moved near you
The way I want you makes me fear you

Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I can't believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take away

I find it hard to explain
It's crazy, but it's happening
And I'm falling again
Much further than I've ever been
I'm falling deeper than the ocean
I am lost in this emotion

This time its love..

I built a wall,Out of this heart of mine,
Never letting no one in, I Didn't think I need a friend,
Until now,feeling this way won't do
I'm ready to give all of me, the question that I have of you,
Will he say the things he needs to say?, Or touch me in a certain way?,
I told myself just to be strong, One day the man will come along,
so What will I do?, Where will I go?, When it's my turn ,
How will I know that you're the man, I'm dreaming of?,
I hope this time it's love
Now you've opened up this heart of mine, You made me feel like no one else
Showed me there's someone besides myself, That I can depend on
Looking back I finally see , Exactly what you mean to me, You touched me in that special way, Said all the things a man should say
I kept my faith and I just stayed strong, My man finally came along

Every single day we knew, My love grows deeper and stronger its true, 'Cause you've shown me things I've never known, You gave me strength to carry on'Cause sometimes I'm afraid to let you in, Even though I know you're a good man, Still thoughts of doubt run through my mind, There's questions I have so tell me what to do What will I do?, Where will I go?, When it's my turn , How will I know that you're the man. I'm dreaming of?, I hope this time it's love..